As the lockdown continues to take effect, if you are experiencing anxiety, feeling lonely because of isolation or even some trauma, as I mentioned in my last blog, you are not alone. It is an actual thing. To make matters worse, there does not seem to be an end in sight. Many are saying this is our “new normal” and it’s taking a toll. Our mental health statistics are anything but encouraging with suicide, domestic violence, child abuse, drug abuse and crime at an all-time high. We are in crises – and may not even be aware of it.  Lack of physical contact (we do best with 11 hugs a day), talking with masks (body language is 85% of our communication) and the fear of being in large groups is wreaking havoc on our nervous system and the connection that we are wired to enjoy. Second only to our need for survival, God made us perfectly wired to connect with others, to experience a sense of belonging. We operate best when we are able to engage in healthy relationships with others. 

Power of Connection

Connection is a powerful tool for healing, relating and engaging. We are wired for it, and it’s a necessary component for our relationships. It can also be a very vague and ambiguous word with all kinds of meanings. To bring some precise meaning to the word we’ll describe it with the active ingredients inclusive of empathy, compassion, enjoyment, listening, engaging, gratitude and openness. I don’t know about you, but I know when I am connecting with another. I feel seen, heard, listened to, enjoyed and totally myself. There is give-and-take and availability on both sides. Interestingly, connection is also directly related to joy. When you are in the presence of someone that is glad to see you and you are glad to see them, joy is produced in your brain and felt in your heart. We also experience this same transaction when we are in the presence of Jesus, as He is always glad to see us. The more you experience joy, the greater you grow in the capacity to process through difficult times. Learning to connect with others during this season of life, is not only important, but it will see you through. 

No Connection

Connection is important because it will counteract the feelings of loneliness due to isolation, anxiety and trauma induced responses. With a parallel definition of “all alone with no help…from family or friends” a lack of connection will only magnify these issues and further lead to depression, loss of hope and despair. When you are experiencing these emotions, it diminishes your capacity to process through difficulties. So how do you know if you are not connecting? 

You are NOT connecting when:

1. You are searching for ways to connect by trying to be funny, smart or interesting and also looking to others and their reactions to know what to do next.
2. You are not able to be yourself when you are with others.
3. You feel the need to manipulate for attention.
4. You share a joint dislike for someone. 
5. You are sharing laughter. Humor can be a mask. A shared experience is different than connection, especially if you were not able to be present. 
6. You experience longevity in relationships but you are not able to be yourself nor is there trust. You are merely passing time together. 

True Connection Brings Joy

Connection always correlates with your ability to be fully present, fully yourself and fully seen. It doesn’t even mean you have to be in agreement, but rather when at odds there are still ingredients of compassion and empathy. Connection builds joy.

Strategies to build joy:

1. Smile when you greet those you love.
2. Ask genuine questions that invite interaction. Listen without interruption.
3. Take a sincere interest in others. Know their fears, joys, passion, talents and pain.
4. Treat each other with dignity and respect. End conversations both feeling affirmed.
5. Use touch whenever appropriate.
6. Discover their love language.

Now that you know what connection is not and how to build joy, take an inventory of your relationships and identify the missing “connection” elements in your interactions. During this difficult time, intentionally reach out and connect with those you love. Put into practice the 6 strategies of building joy and watch your relationships come to life. A sure place to start with connection is by spending time with Jesus. He is always glad to see you.