Experiencing Trauma

During this unprecedented time in history, it is pretty safe to bet that everyone to one degree or another has felt the magnitude of COVID, shutdowns, loss of businesses and income and recently the devastation of the fires. With over 2700 homes burned to the ground, either we have personally or we know people who have been directly impacted by these traumatic events. In a word, we have all been traumatized by these ongoing events. Trauma can be defined as a deeply disturbing or distressing experience. It can leave us feeling all alone without any help. From the smoke alone, we are experiencing fatigue, feeling overwhelmed by the unknown and even depression. 

Attunement, Affirmation & Validation

As a college student earning my Bachelor’s degree in Counseling, some of the first skills that we learned as aspiring therapists were attunement, affirmation and validation. We learned the importance of these skills, especially when establishing rapport with a new client with the goal of creating an atmosphere of safety. People heal best in safety. 

Creating safety in the counseling setting also builds trust. Without these ingredients, the counseling relationship suffers. This is especially crucial when dealing with clients who have experienced trauma. Attunement is achieved in the relationship when the therapist is able to offer validation of the client’s feelings and needs through empathy and by providing safety and support. Attunement is two-fold; it involves both being fully aware of another person’s sensations, needs or feelings and communicating that awareness. 

Caring for Our Emotional Health

It has been impressive how the community at large has banded together with donations pouring in. On almost every street corner donation bins are available to receive contributions. Churches are setting themselves up as resource centers and distributing much needed items to those who have lost everything. Addressing the basic physical needs of clothing, food and shelter are essential in meeting the needs of those who have been devastated by the recent fires. This instills hope in people’s lives. Of equal importance, is addressing the emotional and mental health needs that are rising to the surface. The statistics have shown our mental health condition in our state alone are in critical and dire straits. To this end, the million dollar question has become “what can we do to help?” 

Aside from tangible contributions, one of the greatest gifts you can give to someone who is experiencing trauma is to help them process their grief through attunement, validation and affirmation. Not exclusive to the counseling setting, you have what it takes to help others, even if they are feeling too overwhelmed to process their feelings. God has so incredibly wired us to draw strength from others. When we experience attunement connection with others through empathy, validation and affirmation, we can temporarily share the neurological, emotional and spiritual resources of stronger individuals. It reminds me of the verse instructing us that God’s power is made strong in our weakness. When we are weak, we draw our strength from Him. He is our very present help in trouble. Others who are too weak to cope, they are able to draw from our strength. 

Helping the Hurting

So how are we able to help others process through their traumatic experiences alleviating their propensity to become stuck? 

A painful experience only becomes psychological trauma if the person is not able to successfully process through that painful experience. 

However, if the person going through the painful experience has safe, strong friends or family who are attuning to them – people who are truly with them in the experience; meaning you see, hear and understand them, empathize and genuinely care for them and are glad to be with them – they will almost always receive tremendous benefit from your assistance and attuned presence and they will almost always have the ability to successfully process the painful experience and they will almost never be traumatized. 

It’s important to note that most traumatic memories are a result of the absence of attunement. Conversely, the presence of attunement almost always prevents events from becoming lodged as a traumatic memory. We take our cue from scripture, God is our very present help in times of trouble. 

Keys to Processing Trauma

To break it down, if you want to help someone process through a traumatic experience, you can offer them the following:

1.  Creating a safe and supportive environment where they are seen, heard and understood.
2. Offer attunement – being fully aware of another person’s sensations, needs or feelings and communicating that awareness. 
3. Offer validation and affirmation – of their feelings, the magnitude of the experience and your understanding of their response. 
4. Look them directly in the eye communicating with body language that you are glad to be with them. 

Gift of Healing

Now more than ever, it is imperative that we are there for one another. We have a beautiful opportunity to minister healing in a meaningful way. Attunement is a gift that we can give those who are hurting. We can be the hands and feet of Jesus just simply by sitting and connecting with them, using words if necessary. You may not be able to change their circumstances, but creating a safe and supportive environment is key in helping those who are hurting heal. We can allow them to draw from our strength just as we draw our strength from Jesus. I am reminded of the verse that speaks to this: “He always comes alongside us to comfort us in every suffering so that we can come alongside those who are in any painful trial. We can bring them this same comfort that God has poured out upon us” (2 Corinthians 1:4 TPT). 

Need Assistance?

If you are experiencing trauma and unable to process through your experiences in a safe environment, give me a call, I would love to walk you through to a place where you can receive healing. These are difficult times, don’t be afraid to reach out for help.